Dad vs. Alzheimer's, 5 Things I Missed

My Dad is the smartest guy I know. I suppose lots of us say that about dads. But even beyond my childhood wonder, in to my teens and twenties, I thought the same thing. 

His degrees are in electrical engineering, but he could fix anything around our house and anything in our cars. Need a deck built? Done. He tutored me in any subject when he saw me struggling. He made amazing school projects with (i.e. for) me.

He's still the smartest guy I know, in there somewhere. But, as of this writing, his Alzheimer's and dementia have stolen most of the ability to use his amazing intellect.

He still has his wits about him and knows who I am, but he usually doesn't know where he is and doesn't remember anything recent.

We're a little over a year in to his diagnosis, but in hindsight, he was showing signs at least 2 years prior to that. How did I miss this? Why didn't I get him evaluated sooner? I still feel so guilty about it sometimes. Some of it was denial, minimizing the symptoms as "just getting old". Some of it was my dad's humour, which he also used as a defense. These diseases are currently incurable, so "catching it early" is not really a thing, as far as treatment goes. However, getting your loved one in to a safe and therapeutic environment asap is important.

Here are a few things I overlooked early on :

1. Isolated lifestyle - I just always thought dad was a bit of a lone wolf, and figured he preferred his own company to that of others. People with Alzheimer's and dementia lose track of time and don't often know how long they have been sitting alone.

2. Random pop-ins - Dad would randomly show up at my house or call me to say he was in the neighborhood. It's easy to blow these off as nothing major, but chances are he was operating off of a previous memory in his life.

3. Criticizing his friends - Despite them all being nice people and good humans, Dad started to "speak ill" of his friends almost every time we spoke. Anger and aggression, even verbal, are signs of the disease. If it's new or unusually more frequent, red flag.

4. Wearing the same clothes - It wasn't often that I saw Dad two days in a row, but when I'd bring this to his attention, he'd chuckle and say "well I like these clothes the most". Or he'd say that he put on new undergarments after getting a shower. He was doing neither.

5. Eating less - I just figured this was part of getting old. Depression is common with dementia, and loss of appetite is common with depression. His answer was usually "no" or "not really" when I would ask if he was hungry. This is the guy that used to say "I'm bloody starving!"

The most important thing about having a loved one with dementia/Alzheimer's is making sure they are as safe and as cared-for as possible. They are prone to wandering, not eating, and forgetting personal hygiene. These can all lead to dangerous situations.

Keep an eye out for early signs, and err on the side of concern.

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